Forget Sinner (or 'carrot head' as he is affectionately dubbed by his uber-fans, due to his riotous red hair):  the British doubles pairing Glassman and Cash were victorious at Wimbledon this week! I was there. VAMOS! Reader, I have been to Queens, Eastbourne, and Wimbledon. I have high-fived players and interrogated the tennis cognoscenti; quizzed the best coaches; watched the best doubles pairings in the world. I have scoured the TV and got my hands on everything I can read. For good measure, I have played hundreds of hours of club doubles with every age group from nine to 86. It got me thinking, what can we ordinary folk learn from elite doubles pairings?

Here are some sizzling winners you can take home with you. Next time your partner – be it a sibling, co-worker, friend or lover – showers you with a 100-mph verbal volley, here's what you can do. Get those fancy feet moving, on your toes, split step and read on...

15 LOVE: Make deep contact after every point, win or lose

The biggest thing I noticed was the top players demonstrated the same body language even when they lost the point. You couldn't always tell the score if you just looked at them and ignored the ball. They invested in their relationship. Eye contact.  Affirmative gestures. Hand contact. Kind words.  Love actually. Mature love.

They were what psychoanalyst Mary Morgan would term a "creative couple." They co-created an intersubjective field between them, a radiant golden patch of grass. They were able to generate an unbreakable dynamism. Together they made a whole. If one was good at the base line, the other was a demon at the net. If one could serve 135 mph bombs, the other could hit return with interest.  Through this psychic fluidity, new shots could be played, new formations could emerge, and robust defences established. Two bodies, one racquet! Or more accurately, it was like watching two bodies with four racquets.

These couples were incredible. They were all over the court, moving in an elaborate synchronised dance. Forward. Backwards. Sideways. Jumping. Crouching. Sliding. Diving.

Doubles is much more strategic than singles. More complex. There are many more angles and possibilities, as the court is larger. The players are keen to move forward and attack more often. Many more balls are hit mid-air. The game is based on fast reflexes and instinct. Any holes in the partnership will be ruthlessly exploited by the opposition. It suits players who are good at relating. Doubles is not the game for everyone.

As my colleague and existential psychotherapist Jamie McNulty put it: "In tennis, I’m always impressed that the doubles partners are consistently supportive, there is always that touch of hands after a point even if they lost it because one of them made a mistake or fault. Could or would couples do that?"

30 LOVE: Don't frown, stay Loose

Seasoned club coach and experienced doubles player Hamid Irshad explained it to me in less technical language: "When you watch some club players, when they miss, their partner frowns. Can you imagine how much pressure that puts on them? Because now they are worried about the shot and also how their partner will react. So, if they make a mistake, you just say 'great shot, well done' or 'let's try again'."

We might say, focus on the process, not the outcome. Build the relationship. A fertile and affectionate relationship will help the players deal with myriad anxieties. Tennis requires a relaxed body. The top players are loose and supple. They use their whole body to whip the ball to generate racquet head speed and top spin. Experts talk about kinetic chains. It's not the arm muscling the shot, but an explosive move starting from legs.

Sure, there is a technical component to this, but equally it is a mental sport. Anxious players often "choke" and miss hit the ball. There are a lot of moving parts! It just takes the smallest interference to mess it up. The best thing a good doubles partner can do is to absorb their partners anxieties whilst not becoming overcome themselves. There is a sweet spot of being absorbent, and yet focussed.

40 LOVE: It's all about the chemistry

Veteran tennis coach Hamid says the most important thing for the players is to "gel."

Perma-tanned head tennis coach, Alex Heath, always on the move, puts it even more pithily. When I asked what the most important bit of the doubles pairing is, he shouts: "CHEM!"

How much chemistry do you have? Is it too much, or too little? As I was writing this piece I was also repairing a chip on glass hob. It involved “mixing equal part of A and B putty” to make a new mixture that could be smoothed into the crack. It only works for 15 minutes before the putty can't be used anymore. All relationships are chipped, damaged and imperfect. Let’s be honest, most of the time it’s low level warfare If there was Hawkeye technology in households, it would be reviewed every five minutes to see who was at fault for creating a mess, or saying the wrong thing!

The best doubles pairings are always attuned to the chemistry. They don't want to suppress each other.  They need to find the right mix of aggression, playfulness, skill, strategy and tactics. They are always experimenting with getting the perfect alchemical brew. Perhaps arguments aren't always bad, they suggest there is some active ingredient in the relationship! Perhaps it just requires changing how much of each ingredient you put into the relationship brew?

GAME: Mutual confrontation until death, or at least after every point

The very best players don't avoid confrontation. Being kind and loving only gets you so far. Kindness can avoid deeper feelings and more uncomfortable realities. What if the relationship is good but the doubles team isn't?

The best ever doubles pairings in terms of wins has been the Bryan brothers. They won 119 doubles titles in total. Twins, who played together on court, and now play together in a band. Conveniently, one was left-handed and the other right-handed. A perfect mix of difference and sameness.

Their training sessions were hard and furious. They took a leaf from the Swiss analyst Adolf Guggenbuhl Craig's approach. He saw long-term relationships as a particular type of hell and suffering. He described such relationships, when they were in the service of psychic development and growth, or individuation as he termed it, as "mutual confrontation until death”. It is a painful process, but can provide deep satisfaction.

The Bryan brothers embraced conflict to fuel growth. Every weakness was probed and tested in order to move to the next level. This path is not for everyone. You have to establish how much conflict your mind, body and pairing can tolerate. Surely, the very best pairings have the capacity for extremely high levels of suffering. Other pairings would disintegrate under such pressure. So decide what level do you want to play at in your relationship. A bit of fun? Or world domination?

Nowadays the best players have teams around them to explore and analyse their game in the round. Diet, training, psychology, strategy and so on. What roles does a therapist play in helping you find the right doubles/couples game?

When I put this to my colleagues my inbox lit up like an Alcaraz rally on centre court! Many of my colleagues wondered if we were like umpires.  Seasoned group analyst Ian Simpson put it thus: "When I did couples work I often felt like the umpire in a tennis match, switching attention from one to the other, swinging my head back and forth."

However, my psychotherapy colleague Marion Turner had another viewpoint, likening therapists with a more hands on type of role: "I wonder whether the therapist is the team masseur – noticing the knots, prodding, bringing relief or more pain, allowing some time to notice aches and pain points."

What sort of therapist do you need? One who sits high up on their chair, making imperfect announcements? Or a masseur, or coach, or even another player on the court with you? Perhaps you have turn to ChatGPT on the way to your therapist to get a second opinion? Wimbledon has got rid of line judges. Or maybe you are satisfied with your own imperfect therapist, sometimes getting the call right, sometimes wrong, but keeping the game moving forward?

(Thanks to all my colleagues at Number 42 psychotherapy practice who volleyed many of these ideas back and forth with me!)